Family Constellation

Family Constellation is an experiential therapeutic modality that integrates principles from Gestalt Psychology, Psychoanalysis, Phenomenology and Zulu Shamanism. It was developed by Bert Hellinger, and adopts a systemic perspective. Instead of looking at a difficulty or challenge from the point of view of the life of the individual, the constellative approach offers to examine it in the wider context of the systems the individual belongs to.

 

The most prominent system in the lives of the majority of people is their family. This includes dead and living members of the family, ones we have/had close and intimate relationships with and also ones we never even met or heard about. Other examples for influential systems: a circle of friends, the family of one's partner(s), colleagues, and also broader and more universal ones: Queer people, Religion, Witches, War Survivors, Outcasts, a nation, Humanity, Nature, etc.

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One of the main reasons to adopt a systemic perspective, has to do with a human tendency for entanglement. According to Helinger, we tend to take upon ourselves the difficulties of others we are involved with, as a way to keep in contact with them, to show loyalty. We unconsciously believe that this is what it means to love, to be in touch. Namely, to assimilate, to suffer like they are doing/did, to compensate for their lacks,  to blur the lines between us.

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The problem with that is that I cannot really solve someone else's difficulties for them. It is too much for anyone to handle. Moreover, entanglements become so habitual we stop being able to distinguish; For example, I think I feel lonely because… when in fact it is the loneliness of my grandmother whose mother died when she was 4 years old. Nothing I can do in my life will bring this child’s mother back, and so as long as we remain entangled, this feeling of loneliness will persist.​​​​​​​

What we do in constellation work is first to recognize this intergenerational transference. Then we acknowledge what had happened to this child who lost her mother, we see her in a way she wasn’t seen, and offer her support. We are making the distinction between us clear without cutting the thin line of love between us. We give back the loneliness to whom it belongs, and learn how to make space for our ancestors/other members of the system without assimilation. Their experiences are indeed part of us, they shaped us and continue to do so, but they don’t have to determine our life. We are entitled for own story. We don’t have to repeat what happened in order to show them love and receive love from them. 

 

Constellation work doesn’t revolve only around intergenerational and systemic transferences. It also offers tools to address events and difficulties of one's own life. Here we are aiming to uncover entanglements of inner systems and voices: [Me], [my anger] and [my sadness] - [Me], [the 5 years old child that I was, who moved to different city and lost all their friends], and [Toto, the dog I had at that time] - [Me], [my partner] and [my exs] - [Me], [my illness] and [the medication I take], and so on.

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How does it actually work? A constellation session begins with a short interview about the theme one wishes to work on. Then, based on what was present, the constellation facilitator offers hooks or anchors to start with. These could be actual people that were mentioned, a word that kept being used, an event that was described, a condition, an emotion, a sensation, an image, a movement, etc. Then, the facilitator asks the patient to pick objects to represent these initial anchors. I often use a set of abstract fabrics for this (see in the picture), but any object in the room could become a representation. After the objects are chosen, the patient orders them in space, so that the spatial relationships between them represent the actual ones they have with each other. 

 

Already this initial placement is important, and is the first step in relating experientially to a theme. We are not just talking about it, but doing an action, actively engaging in a process of spatial transference. It isn't a cognitive process of analyzing or understanding, but a dynamic (delicate and honorable) psychological-spirtual game. We are entering into a ritualistic setting, and interact playfully with whatever we find there. 

 

The basic action of the Constellation ritual/game is looking at the situation at hand from different points of views. We do this, by actually moving in space and ‘stand’ (symbolically or in actuality) on a representation. By doing this, we are attempting to embody this representation’s perspective on the situation/system. First and foremost the representation of oneself, but then also for example the one for my chronic illness. What do I see when I am my illness, what sensations arise, what needs, fantasies, memories and impulses manifest? And how does it feel to come back to my own representation after experiencing the point of view of the illness? What do I see now? Perhaps there is a clearer separation now, a realization, an impulse. Maybe the original spatial distance between us isn’t representing the situation anymore. And so on.

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Constellation can be practiced in one or one setting or in a group setting. In the group setting, one invite members of the group to represent for them, while in the one-on-one setting, one is representing for themselves with the aid of physical represnations (like fabrics).